A few thoughts on today

Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY

You know it really is important that I cover a few things today for my own personal growth. First of all I have been sent to one Doctor after another. It seems like every time I walk in that building and they know what I have a goofy little smile comes to their face. I had a very good Doctor call me today and give me very positive feedback mixed with some eye opening comments.
DR. "Alyssa... no wonder you have felt the way you have felt for so long, you are very rare and have been hearing their is nothing that can be done except surgeries and drugs for so long. I want you to know that I am impressed with your attitude and outlook on your disease."
Alyssa " I try to remain positive, but sometimes I defiantly have my days.I have had a few in a row.
DR. " I want you to see the best geneticists in Utah. Because you are so rare he is the best we have in the state and he might know who to send you and Mason to. I want you to know that I care!

Thought #1 Well I cut a HUGE gash in my leg. I have terrible balance and fall very easily. Then I sliced my finger open with a knife in the soapy water of the sink. I forgot it was there. So to get to the point, I dislocated my hip in the process and all of the muscles from my waist down are spasmed so badly. Also it will probably leave a huge scar, and take forever to heal. Bummer but that is the card I was dealt for the day I guess. So I feel bad that I actually was so mean to everyone that was around me today because of my discomfort. How rude of me to speak to my children meanly and talk to my husband in disrespect. I apologized and know that tomorrow is another day and I can do better.Once it scabs up I am trying that skincerity on it. It certainly is working on the scares I already have, so why not.

Thought #2 Learning to love yourself for who you are. Not what people think you should be,act or look like. I had a really hard time when I came out of detox and gained 10 pounds, then gained 5 more. Everyone said " Alyssa you look so much better and so much happier". Well I am a faithful gym girl, but hit a few snags because of joints and this cut. Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I just take off the glasses that I see myself in and see me how others see me?
Jocie has been listening to the self esteem series on the CVR. She showed a lot of confidence today. Jocie is a fireball, but she was saying some very grown up things about body image to her 31 year old mother. She blew my mind. Confidence is pouring out of her.

Thought #3 It is hard to watch your child struggle. It is a blessing when he asks for something as simple as "that machine" because he was stressed out."Mom, I really need to go get on the machine(CVR) so I can just let all this go.

What a simple tool has become such a power tool and blessing.
Like I always say...It is OK to have a bad day. What will I do tomorrow... HAVE A BETTER ONE!

I love the words of this song...


You can travel the world
But you can't run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
If you're searchin for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be
Just be

They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step
That you take when you want to be real
Flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you
How you really feel
Face up to the fact
That you are who you are
Nothing can change that belief
Just be
Just be

'cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
The hardest part
Is inside me
I need
To just be
Just be

Just be
Just be
Just be

I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel so much better

'cause now I know
It's not so far
To were I go
The hardest part
Is inside me
I need
To just be
Just be

So tomorrow... I will let today go and just be. Be the best ME I can be. Sometimes we can take life and plan it out week by week, and sometimes we need to just be still and take it minute by minute. I know that I can do this. I have the tools. I just need to take a deep breath and remember that tomorrow I can do better.