Long time no blog

I have not blogged since Feb? Wow I have a lot of catching up to do.
So no news to the world, but I have been under ENORMOUS amounts of stress for so long. Although some of the biggest stress factors are on my table right now, I am going to focus on just a few things.

So I am surprised at how calm I am. I am listening to beautiful music and I feel calm. I went to visit my friend Missy this last week. I noticed something while I was at her house. I had no anxiety. I felt great. This next week my personal goals are going to be set. I am going to focus first on....WHAT ARE MY EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS. So I going to need to really be aware of my emotions.

Also this stress garbage really hurts my body. It's like your body has to go on auto pilot to survive and keep everything together. I get these deep bruises that seem to feel like they are down to the bone. Out of nowhere they appear.
I am going to try and make this week, a positive week and really try and learn.
T




Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY

Healing

OK so I have talked about emotions and pain. Well I also want to talk about stress and pain.
So yesterday was the Superbowl. Since I am going through the most awful divorce in the history of man, I was under a bit of loneliness and stress. I felt betrayed by my ex best friend, lonely and missing my children.
I was not wearing my stability braces and I slipped and fell DIRECTLY on my knee cap.Oh my gosh it hurt SOOOOOO bad. Fortunately I hit it directly on. Not on either side so it stayed in place.
I wrapped it , and put myself on ice and heat and put my mind into learning about football. I laugh at myself but I was finding out what every yard and call meant. It helped get my mind off of it.
Even though I didn't sleep well and my leg had spasmed out I used the Superbowl to distract my stress and help my emotions. Since I am aware or pain, emotion , and all of the physical issues it contributes to, All in all I had a better night. I am good and have been relaxing and find that when I reduce my stress level my healing seems to be faster.

So if you find yourself in pain, maybe think about the stress factors and emotional factors around you.



Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY

ONE YEAR!!!!!

So I have had a roller coaster of a year. But I feel so great. I feel like I have really something to be proud of. When you live in a chronic state of pain sometimes just taking the medication is all you know.It is easy to take the pill and dull the pain. But it also dulls your mind and can feel like it can take over your life. Going through detox and withdrawal was very hard, but I am so much more aware now of my mind and my body. My mind has become my power tool. I have found it so important to have a plan and stick to it. Have a positive support circle and fill your mind with as much knowledge as you can. Since I am a major CVR user and go through the rehearsal process everyday I am so proud of myself that I have accomplished this.

I recently had an EDS attack and had to go to the ER. The Doctors want to give you pain meds right away. I had rehearsed so many times what I would do and the plan I would follow. I REFUSED the opiate medication and we were able to use non opiate medication to get me through the few days of the attack. I even went and got the ER report. I was so pleased that it clearly stated that " the patient refused to use opiate medications" . Well I can say that I am 100% opiate free for one year. I set my mind to the task and I achieved the goal.
I am still in chronic pain and having EDS and all the hurdles that come along with that, i always will be, but I truly feel empowered.

I am more comfortable now wearing the braces and it's OK if people ask questions. In fact it is empowering knowing that I have a story to tell and it just might help someone.





Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY

we get through it together.

 

 

I am going to go back to a subject that I really believe in. I really truely and honestly believe that if we reherse the positive we will get just that. If we constanty reherse the negative that is what we will get as well. I have had a couple of really rough days and I want to share with you how I got on the possitive path I am on. I may not be seen as "mainstream" here in Utah but I still have a spirit as we all do that grows and learns along it's journey we call life. In the last few days I have seen tragedy turn into peace. People are there that truely care and only want the best for us to be happy , healthy and succed. There are those that need a large friendship circle filled with many people all very similar that seem to be all on the same ground. I choose to keep my circle open to new thoughts, ideas, loves, and gifts that we can all grow from and help eachother. It is hard to find very genuine people but when you do .... KEEP THEM! Serve them because it all comes back around.

So as most of you know that I love my CVR machine. It keeps me focused and on the path of personal empowerment and success. I remind you all of a fall that I took many months ago when my blood pressure dropped and I passed out and hit my head. I did need stitches, but felt there were other options. That info is in a previous post.

Well several days ago I started to get very lethargic, my appitite was decressing and a headache started behind my eyes. Within the next day I was in a full blown EDS attack. I was like a limp noodle. I had a very supportive team that was there for anything that me or my kids would needs. I slept and cried. The pain in my joints and muscles was so bad. I just tried to sleep through it and not move.

It finally became more than I could bear and I was taken to the ER. EDS is not usually a common thing seen by ER doctors so they spend some time looking it up. The Doctor asked me what he should do?..."Doctor that is what I am asking you for help with" Immediatly the narcodics were offered. I said " Doctor I am here in so much pain. I have been absolutly 100% clean of narcodics for pain for a YEAR. I have come to far to take a step backwards!" He was puzzled. I think most people come into the ER to get pain meds and I insisted there had to be a different way. I was not going to even entertain the thought of narcotics. After much research and thinking two VERY VERY big shots were given to me to help the inflamation in the joins and to help me sleep through the rest of the attack.

So if anyone out there doesn't think they can stay strong even in their weakest moments, I will happily introduce myself to them! I am proud of myself. The rehersal process that the CVR sessions have taught me are priceless.

Once again I proved to myself that anything is possible if you put your mind to it!!!!

I mentioned on my other blog that it feels embarassing that I have to wear stabilizing braces on many joints. My Daughter saw them and asked me why I wasn't wearing them. I told her I get embarressed somtimes when people look or ask me what is wrong. She then said "MOM WEAR THEM!!! THEY HELP YOU> PEOPLE AREN"T LOOKING AT THE BRACES, THEY ARE LOOKING AT YOU!

It hurts!

I have been on YouTube trying to find answers and people with EDS that I can relate to. I know that stress plays a big factor and we all know that I have a lot of stress. When I was a kid I always seemed so tired. Now I at least know there is a big link with EDS and chronic fatigue. I can't even begin to explain how I feel tonight. EVERY AREA of MY BODY HURTS. I have been opiate free for almost a year! I knew that that crap would kill me and I have to much to live for. I was trying to phyc myself up to get the shots in my hands so I can be fitted for the finger and wrist splints. Once I saw the videos I am more scared than before. I just want answers and relief. I don't want to sound negative but this is hard. Just one day .... That's all . Just one day.
I want this awful divorce over and I want my kids in my arms.