My Head

Since I haven't had access to the computer very often it has been hard to keep up on all off the different things going on in life. I wanted to take a minute and talk about what happened to my head.

On a Friday morning I woke up very lethargic. I was having a really hard time getting a satisfying breath. My body was very achy and weak. I had a meeting that I called and rescheduled because I couldn't get the strength to get out of bed.
Finally I got up and was sick. ( With EDS I seem to have a lot of stomach and intestinal discomfort ). I honestly think the opioid medications that were used for so long damaged my GI track. I started to faint. I fainted several times and ended up making it to the kitchen.

The next thing I knew I was on the floor of my living room. My head hurt really bad. I reached up to touch the area of pain and my hand was covered in blood.
I was able to see my cell phone across the floor and called the last call received. A good friend showed up with in minutes along with the neighbors downstairs.

My head was covered in blood and I could feel the cut. I had hit my head on the corner of a bench. Cutting into the back of my head. Because of my EDS and healing and bruising issues my friend called someone who knew a lot about my past.
This next comment really hurt my feelings. I have really worked hard to not use major medication for pain. This just felt like a slap in the face.

My friend asks, "Is there anything about stitches or bleeding I should know about, It looks like she needs stitches."

Voice of the past says " well is she on drugs? Or has she been drinking? Because she has OD'ed before."

Friend says, " No I checked her eyes and there is no alcohol".

So after this conversation I knew I needed to make a decision. Strangely enough When I felt the initial pain in my head and I woke up my thoughts were this. PAIN.... NO MEDICATION!

I was barely conscious and was telling myself and those around me that I was not going to take the pain medication. Absolutely NOT!!! I have worked to hard to flush it all down the toilet. I am not saying that if you need medical attention don't do it. Not that at all. I am saying for me personally, If I could take a minute and evaluate the situation and not need to go to the hospital, have stitches and medication. Then I was not going.

On the subject of OD'ing...... Let me take a minute and address that comment. Another stab to me.
Those of you with a chronic pain condition know how the effects of opioid medication work. With EDS I feel like I have a zip tie pulling around everyone of my affected joints. Achy, constant pressure, sore, tight, but yet I am very loose in my joints. Hard to explain but you get the idea.

You take the medication... It takes the pain away. Eventually your tolerance goes up, and new medications are tried in a trial and error plan. What will work and what doesn't. But it is hard to know really if one things is working because you have the effects of the other medications. Eventually you are 100 lbs and have the medication tolerance of a Sumo Wrestler.
I DID NOT PURPOSELY OD ON PAIN MEDICATION!!!! When you are that medicated you don't realize time anymore, or how much you have taken. Life stands still.You just want relief.

I have been out of the DETOX Hospital since February and had only the one relapse shortly after. That was not intentional and extremely upsetting hearing it as a slap in the face ...Is she on drugs? She has OD'ed before And drinking to numb the the pain does not work. All of the damage to my GI track makes "getting drunk" painful. So why would I be drunk, and why would I be drinking at 11 AM ?


OK now that that is out of my system
I feel so good that I have been strong enough to tackle the demon, kick his butt and move on.


Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY

I am back

A lot of people have been asking "where did you go? Did you fall off the face of the earth." No I am OK. I moved a few months ago and have to move again in a few days. So I have not had computer access. I have a lot to cover but will find computers to do that. There is just to much to cover in a few minutes. I have had to deal with a lot but am finding a lot of strength inside myself. I am really OK and continue to find more peace everyday.
I was watching that cute movie JULIE and JULIA with my kids last night. I remember her saying as she blogged " Does anyone read this? Does anyone care? There has to be someone out there that needs me."
Well no matter who you are or why you read my blog. I hope I can help in some way.
I will go over lots of things very soon.

Attitude is Everything... BE HAPPY